|Posted on Tuesday, March 29, 2011 - 5:40 pm: || |
I almost died last week - AGAIN!
About 6 or 7 times in the last 12 months I've had MSG poisoning. Some episodes were relatively mild, most rather severe. As a general rule, it begins with anxiety/panic attacks, mild at first then building to severe. Then comes the depression. Absolutely debilitating. I also become completely irrational. All I can think of is ending the pain. Unfortunately, I now have a rather detailed suicide plan all worked out.
That's the usual. But it seems to be different every time. This time, the anxiety attacks were mild. But there was something new. I normally have what's called a “familial tremor”. A hereditary tremor that, for the most part, is simply annoying and nothing to really worry about. This tremor is always exasperated by toxins, and therefore gets somewhat worse during MSG poisoning episodes. It's to be expected. This time however, they not only got worse, I went into muscle convulsions such that anyone observing would think I was having an epileptic seizure, without the foaming/choking. Wide awake with absolutely no control.
I've been working with a friend for the last few weeks and staying at her house so we can collaborate on a project. Always in the past I've been alone when it happens. Every time coming very close to suicide. The psychological pain is unbearable. This time, Klara was there. She is now the first person to seem me go through this, although I didn't want her to - it's embarrassing, demeaning. I asked her to drive me home so I could be alone. She refused, which turned out to be a good thing. Because I had absolute plans to end it this time. She held me down as I was convulsing, which didn't do much since I'm in pretty good shape and she's not, but it was comforting. She also focused my attention back on work, which is what got me through it.
So I learned something this time. If there is someone there when it happens, they can help me through it. I am currently living alone and really don't want to be. But now I know that finding a girlfriend is the only thing that is going to keep me alive next time. Not a friend or a neighbor. The irrationality during an episode is far too severe. I know I won't call anyone. If there isn't anyone already there, I won't call. So now I have another reason to find a mate. My life depends on it. Because at this point I truly believe that next time, I won't stop.
It makes me wonder. I know that most heart attacks happen after a meal, usually restaurant meals, and that many if not most of these heart attacks are blamed on MSG. There is no question that MSG kills. What I wonder is, how many suicides are actually the result of MSG poisoning? Given my experience, I would guess the percentage is fairly high.
|Posted on Tuesday, March 29, 2011 - 7:18 pm: || |
I'm so sorry you're going through such terrible reactions and hope you never have another episode like this. So glad to hear you had the support when you needed it most.
|Posted on Tuesday, March 29, 2011 - 7:57 pm: || |
I'm so sorry to hear about your reactions. How is your diet? Can you make some major changes to make sure your diet is 100% safe? Once my reactions got so bad that I feared I wouldn't live through them I realized I needed to make HUGE changes in my diet with no cheating so this wouldn't kill me (I had eliminated 40 ingredients containing MSG prior to this time but needed to wipe out the small contenders to keep my life in check).
I hope you are able to pinpoint the food that you are eating that has the MSG in it and are able to find a diet that works well for you.
|Posted on Wednesday, March 30, 2011 - 7:10 am: || |
wow... mike... i have no idea what to say- except my heart goes out to you. my dear hubby is bipolar, so i have an idea what you go through.... so harsh. i am so sorry
please be careful! and maybe while you are in your right mind, you could add a note to your suicide plan... something that you know you would pay attention to when you are in The Bad Place
all my prayers are with you! may you find the family of support you need to stay strong when your body's been poisoned- please try to remember that every day you survive is a Victory